Rethinking Mental Health: Beyond Symptoms and Illness

Mental health is often framed within a medical model, where symptoms indicate an underlying "illness" to be treated. This approach, though logical for physical ailments, falls short in comprehensively addressing mental health, particularly when considering the impact of trauma.

Trauma, whether emotional or physical, can leave a lasting imprint on our nervous system. Unlike the straightforward treatment of a physical injury, emotional trauma involves complex reactions of fight, flight, or freeze that may become "stuck" in our bodies and memories. These reactions, along with associated feelings of helplessness and deep-seated beliefs about ourselves, become our automatic response to future stress, replaying old patterns of behavior that were once survival strategies.

Viewing these responses as mere symptoms misses the broader context. They are, instead, echoes of past experiences, not indicative of an organic disease but of a memory playing out its survival tactics. This perspective is particularly relevant for understanding conditions like developmental trauma, which stems from accumulated emotional wounds, and shock trauma, triggered by acute incidents.

While more complex mental health conditions like Bipolar Disorder and Schizophrenia present additional challenges, considering the role of memory and trauma may offer deeper insights into their nature, beyond genetic predispositions.

Shifting our view from a binary of "healthy" vs. "unhealthy" to one of adaptiveness allows us to see mental health as a narrative of coping and survival, tailored to the individual's context and time. This approach recognizes the uniqueness of each person's journey, emphasizing adaptiveness—not in terms of objective correctness but as a reflection of the individual's best efforts to cope within their specific circumstances.

From Conflict to Clarity: Uncovering and Transforming Insecure Beliefs with Mindful Awareness

It can be challenging to recognize the insecurities and self-doubts that surface during moments of conflict. These underlying beliefs often remain unnoticed, yet they trigger our body's fight, flight, or freeze response. Gaining awareness of these beliefs is akin to discovering who is behind the wheel, driving our reactions. This awareness opens up the possibility to move away from instinctual survival tactics, rooted in fight, flight or freeze that may not be truly adaptive, allowing us to make choices that are more mindful, socially constructive, and genuinely beneficial.

Our self-perceptions (which are contextual and automatic - not choice based, they just happen and are based in past experiences) are frequently mirrored in our views of others. For instance, thinking of oneself as "weak, small, and helpless" while perceiving others as "powerful, uncaring, and threatening" can lead to a heightened sense of vulnerability and activate those defensive survival responses.

However, reacting in this way often exacerbates the conflict rather than resolving it. The question then becomes, how can we pause, become aware, and realign ourselves? There are numerous techniques to help us become present. One approach I find particularly effective is called "Orienting," a concept from Somatic Experiencing. For a deeper understanding, I recommend watching the video below.

Counseling Reimagined: Fostering Connection and Healing

In today's counseling world, a transformative shift is reshaping our approach to mental health. Moving away from traditional, problem-centric methods, we're now embracing a more nurturing path that highlights and strengthens what's inherently right within individuals. This new direction challenges the outdated view of individuals as 'problems to be solved,' reminiscent of a broken vehicle in need of repair, and instead focuses on fostering personal growth and connection.

Our lives are a complex mosaic of relationships and emotions, each playing a crucial role in our mental health. Contrary to the notion of 'brokenness,' mental health challenges are our natural responses to life's stresses and perceived threats. They're rooted in our experiences and the protective strategies our minds deploy to navigate the world.

Take the example of someone struggling with anger, which strains their relationships and career. This anger often stems from deeper feelings of vulnerability and a subconscious search for security, which paradoxically leads to more instability and frustration. Traditional counseling methods, which typically focus on highlighting and correcting 'wrong' behaviors, may inadvertently deepen these feelings of vulnerability, pushing individuals into a defensive state.

In contrast, today's counseling embraces a compassionate, understanding approach that walks alongside individuals, acknowledging their feelings and experiences as rational responses to their life circumstances. This relational method emphasizes connection, shared vulnerabilities, and collaborative emotion management, fostering a deep sense of empathy and understanding. Ironically, when more traditional interventions and contemporary trauma therapy are introduced within this context of this empathetic relationship, counseling becomes more effective, promoting genuine and lasting transformation.

Thus, modern counseling is about more than just addressing problems; it's about understanding and supporting individuals within the rich tapestry of their lives and relationships, offering a path to healing characterized by compassion and effective support.

Recap:
- Counseling is evolving from focusing on problems to nurturing what's right within individuals, promoting personal growth and connection over fixing perceived 'brokenness.'
- Mental health challenges are seen as natural responses to life's stresses, rooted in our complex web of past relationships and emotions, moving away from the idea of individuals being 'broken.'
- Modern counseling prioritizes empathy, understanding, and collaboration, enhancing the effectiveness of both traditional and contemporary therapies when integrated by fostering a supportive, relational environment.

Unlocking the Unconscious: Understanding Our Hidden Coping Mechanisms

The unconscious might seem like a mysterious, complex part of our minds, but Dr. Mark Solms, a neuropsychologist and psychoanalyst, simplifies it for us. It's essentially the part of our brain that stores how we automatically coped with difficult situations in the past when we couldn’t do or cause what we really wanted. In that way, it is place in the brain where we hold memories of stress and the solutions we used that weren't actually solutions. Here's how it works:

When faced with a challenge, our first reaction is to seek help, showing signs of distress. If help doesn't come, we might try to fight the situation or run from it. And if those aren't options, we freeze, tapping into our deepest survival instinct.

For example, as infants, when left alone too early, we experience all kinds of distress in our body and cry for attention. If our needs aren't met, we eventually calm ourselves in a way that might seem like we're soothing ourselves, but it's actually a form of shutting down to cope with the stress (i.e. freeze). This process creates a mental template for what to expect in stress concerning our personal needs, what we believe about ourselves when we feel our needs and how to handle similar situations in the future. Only its a template that we don’t think we just feel. It’s automatic (i.e. unconscious).

As adults, then, when overwhelmed, we might find ourselves not asking for help, because deep down we think it won't come, that we’re unworthy so the best option is to freeze by trying to avoid the assumed reality of the situation altogether. We might distract ourselves (e.g. food, alcohol, sugar, sex, phones, TikTok, YouTube, shop, start a fight, exercise, get religious, etc.) or procrastinate, reducing our stress in the moment but affecting our productivity and relationships.

The key takeaway is that these responses aren't just “how you’re wired”; they're learned coping mechanisms from our earliest experiences (that we remember in felt convictions, actions and body but not in thoughts) that the modern science of neuroplasticity tells us can change (each person’s change potential is specific their unique situation). Recognizing and understanding these patterns can start us on the path to changing them. By becoming aware of and curious about the roots of our behaviors, we can learn what we really need and work to rewrite our story to one where we handle stress in healthier, more productive ways. This journey is about more than revisiting the past; it's about shaping a future where we're better equipped to face life's challenges.

To Recap:

• The unconscious is not what you think it is and it's not as mysterious as you think. Dr. Mark Solms says the unconscious is where we store our past attempts to tackle challenges, like a memory bank of our problem-solving efforts when we were stuck or in need.

• Our first reactions to stress, like seeking help, fighting, fleeing, or freezing, start early in life, like a baby's reflex to shut down when distressed. This shapes how we handle stress and view ourselves as adults.

• Realizing these coping methods are learned, not built-in, allows us to find healthier ways to manage stress, helping us change our life stories for the better.

Is Your Workplace Tangled in Co-Dependency?

Here are the bullets to this article:

• Co-dependency in Workplaces: Co-dependency occurs when individuals in a work environment become overly reliant on each other to avoid emotional discomfort, leading to unhealthy dynamics that can undermine team health, happiness, and company success.

• Manifestations of Co-dependency: This issue manifests through altered behaviors to escape emotional issues, seen in efforts to gain approval or handle disrespect at the cost of personal well-being. It's prevalent in environments where leaders struggle with emotional and social skills, pushing a culture of problem avoidance over authenticity.

• Impact on Workplace Health: Co-dependency creates a toxic environment characterized by resentment, exhaustion, and blurred boundaries. While initially seeming beneficial due to financial or job security, it damages personal integrity and overall company morale, emphasizing the need for a shift towards a healthier, more vibrant work culture.

• The Importance of Addressing Co-dependency: Tackling co-dependency is essential for fostering a successful, innovative company culture that values healthy relationships and mutual respect. Ignoring these issues risks exacerbating problems like reduced diversity, equity, inclusion, and belonging (DEIB), hindering creativity and innovation, and ultimately costing the company more in the long term.

Understanding Co-Dependency at Work

Have you noticed how some work environments make people overly dependent on each other in unhealthy ways? This is called co-dependency. It happens when someone avoids facing their emotional troubles by leaning too much on others, who do the same in return. This kind of situation can quietly affect the health and happiness of your team and the success of your business.

What Does Co-Dependency Look Like?

Co-dependency comes about when people change how they act to avoid emotional discomfort, depending on others who are also looking to escape their issues. This can show up in many types of relationships, but it’s especially common at work. For example, an employee might work too hard to get approval from a boss, or take on disrespectful comments from the boss in order to protect other employees, all at the cost of ignoring their own needs. This often happens in places where the leaders might not be great at handling their emotions or social situations, and so unconsciously lead everyone to focus more on avoiding problems than being genuine. The result? The team’s spirit and the company's ethics can take a hit.

Why It Matters

This one-way support system can cause feelings of resentment, exhaustion, and weak boundaries, making the workplace feel toxic. While it might seem worth it at first because of the pay or job security, the long-term impact on people’s self-respect and the company’s morale is damaging. Dealing with co-dependency is about more than fixing relationships; it’s key to creating a healthy, lively, and lasting work culture. Encouraging honest talks, setting clear rules, and making sure you are treated respectfully and that work demands don’t take over your life are important steps to overcome these issues.

Taking Action

Recognizing and dealing with co-dependency at work is crucial. A successful and innovative company needs more than just smart ideas; it needs healthy relationships and respect among everyone. Ignoring these problems might seem easier, but it can lead to bigger issues like a lack of diversity (DEIB), fairness, and new ideas (which are shown to be bolstered by an increase in DEIB), which can end up costing a lot more in the end. By addressing co-dependency, we can build a workplace that’s not only more ethical and inclusive but also more successful in the long run.