Breaking Free from Stuck Patterns
Two Kinds of Lack: Normal vs. Trauma-Based
Feeling like something’s missing is normal. But when that feeling never goes away, it becomes trauma. Here’s the difference:
Normal Lack: You feel a need, you take action, you find relief—then the cycle repeats.
Trauma-Based Lack: The cycle gets stuck. No matter what you do, you still feel like something is missing.
How Trauma-Based Lack Affects Us
When we can’t process our emotions properly, our brains find ways to compensate. For example:
A child is told “boys don’t cry.” He learns to suppress sadness and instead seeks comfort through distractions like work, sex, or addiction.
A person experiences a bad breakup and, instead of dealing with heartbreak, avoids relationships altogether.
These coping mechanisms offer temporary relief but don’t actually resolve the underlying issue. Over time, they reinforce feelings of emptiness and disconnection.
How to Start Healing
Healing begins with recognizing when we’re stuck in trauma-based lack. Some steps to break free include:
Practicing mindfulness to reconnect with emotions.
Seeking therapy to process unresolved feelings.
Engaging in body-based practices like yoga or breathwork to reset the nervous system (Levine, 2010).
By understanding the difference between normal and trauma-based lack, we can start making choices that help us feel truly whole again.
References
Levine, P. (2010). In an Unspoken Voice: How the Body Releases Trauma and Restores Goodness.
Panksepp, J. (1998). Affective Neuroscience: The Foundations of Human and Animal Emotions.