By Analog Counseling & Consulting Services

Emotions Aren’t the Problem—They’re the Map

Emotions are your body’s internal GPS. They aren’t obstacles—they’re signals that something needs attention.

They arise before conscious thought and aim to help you regulate, connect, and adapt. But when we block emotions—due to trauma, fear, shame, or survival needs—they go underground and show up as distress, anxiety, numbness, or disconnection.

The Triangle of Conflict and Change: A Map for Healing

Based on the work of Hilary Jacobs Hendel, Diana Fosha, and David Malan the Triangle of Conflict and Change helps us move from distress and defenses toward clarity and connection.

1. Defenses (Top Left)

Anything we do to avoid feeling:

Overthinking
Numbing
Blaming
Scrolling
Addictions
Perfectionism

2. Inhibitory Emotions (Top Right)

These are the “red lights” of our emotional system:

Anxiety: Am I safe?
Shame: I am bad.
Guilt: I’ve done something bad.

They block access to deeper core emotions.

3. Core Emotions (Bottom Point)

These are biological, adaptive feelings:

Grief / Panic
Rage
Lust
Play (Social Joy)
Fear
Care
Seeking (Motivation / Curiosity)

Trauma: A Stuck Emotional Response

Trauma is not the event itself—it's what the nervous system does after the event.

When emotional responses can't complete (crying, running, connecting, yelling), they stay stuck. The nervous system gets trapped in fight/flight/freeze. Instead of completion, we move into coping (i.e. defenses).

What Inhibitory Emotions Feel Like

Anxiety

Racing heart
Tight chest
Breathlessness
Dizziness
Racing thoughts
Nausea

Guilt

Muscle tension
Crying
Restlessness
Insomnia

Shame

Feeling exposed
Frozen
Wanting to hide
Blushing or hot
Feeling “less than”

The Threat Response Cycle

Novelty → Orient → Assess → Respond → If needed Fight/Flight/Freeze → Rest

In trauma, completion of the response doesn't happen so we never get to the “rest” part. The system stays alert, reactive, and to cope with that dysregulation we dissociate through using defendes. The body never feels safe enough to feel as long as the original dysregulation maintains without support or help.

How to Work the Triangle

1. Undo the Defenses

Notice what defense you're using
Reflect on how it feels to be defended
Thank the defense—it's trying to protect you
Gently ask it to step aside and observe what happens

2. Calm and soothe the nervous system from the Inhibitory Emotions

Use somatic tools like:

Name that you are feeling a red light emotion
Physiological Sigh (i.e. the double inhale)
Orienting to notice you are safe and to give your nervous system a chance to reset (a specific Somatic Experiencing skill)
Focusing on lowering heartrate, softening muscles, deepening breath, etc.

3. Build Safety With Emotions

Use somatic tools like:

Voo breathing
Grounding (feet, breath, body awareness)
Swaying, walking, rocking
Journaling, art, or music to evoke and explore emotion

4. Practice Feeling in Safe Ways

Start slow—don’t flood yourself - focus on restful/calm/strong/positive feelings first
If you start to notice tension in your body, as long as it's not overwhelming or flooding, stay with it until the wave of actation dies down stay with the sensations themselves to do this
After a wave of activation and de-activation journal about the feelings and memories that you experienced
Share how you feel with someone you trust
Notice how it feels to be heard

Two Powerful Healing Modalities

Somatic Experiencing (SE)

Helps the body complete stuck trauma responses through:

Grounding & orienting
Gentle touch work
Tracking bodily sensation
Building capacity to feel safely

EMDR Therapy

A structured process that helps “digest” traumatic memories:

Recall a memory while using eye movements or tapping
Let feelings, images, and beliefs surface
Notice how the memory shifts or lightens over time

Your Healing Goals

The goal isn’t to “get rid” of emotions. It’s to feel them safely, let them guide you, and return to your authentic self.

You can learn to:

Calm your physiology
Understand your emotional cues
Feel without shutting down or overreacting
Reconnect to others in meaningful ways

Summary: Mapping the Self

Emotions are Signals: Not problems. They tell us what we need.
Trauma is Dysregulation: Not just the event. It’s what sticks.
Healing = Feeling: Safely, with support, and in the body.
Defenses + Red Light Emotions = Blocks
Core Emotions = Authenticity + Adaptation
Therapies like SE and EMDR help complete the cycle

References

Hendel, H.J. (2018). It’s Not Always Depression
Panksepp, J. & Biven, L. (2012). The Archaeology of Mind
Porges, S. (2017). The Pocket Guide to the Polyvagal Theory
Levine, P. (2010). In an Unspoken Voice
Solms, M. (2021). The Hidden Spring
Badenoch, B. (2017). The Heart of Trauma

*If you ever become flooded or overwhelmed stop the exercise and comfort/soothe yourself. Then consider waiting to engage the feelings again until with a professional.

Mapping the self: a guide to emotional healing and wholeness