Unlocking the Unconscious: Understanding Our Hidden Coping Mechanisms

The unconscious might seem like a mysterious, complex part of our minds, but Dr. Mark Solms, a neuropsychologist and psychoanalyst, simplifies it for us. It's essentially the part of our brain that stores how we automatically coped with difficult situations in the past when we couldn’t do or cause what we really wanted. In that way, it is place in the brain where we hold memories of stress and the solutions we used that weren't actually solutions. Here's how it works:

When faced with a challenge, our first reaction is to seek help, showing signs of distress. If help doesn't come, we might try to fight the situation or run from it. And if those aren't options, we freeze, tapping into our deepest survival instinct.

For example, as infants, when left alone too early, we experience all kinds of distress in our body and cry for attention. If our needs aren't met, we eventually calm ourselves in a way that might seem like we're soothing ourselves, but it's actually a form of shutting down to cope with the stress (i.e. freeze). This process creates a mental template for what to expect in stress concerning our personal needs, what we believe about ourselves when we feel our needs and how to handle similar situations in the future. Only its a template that we don’t think we just feel. It’s automatic (i.e. unconscious).

As adults, then, when overwhelmed, we might find ourselves not asking for help, because deep down we think it won't come, that we’re unworthy so the best option is to freeze by trying to avoid the assumed reality of the situation altogether. We might distract ourselves (e.g. food, alcohol, sugar, sex, phones, TikTok, YouTube, shop, start a fight, exercise, get religious, etc.) or procrastinate, reducing our stress in the moment but affecting our productivity and relationships.

The key takeaway is that these responses aren't just “how you’re wired”; they're learned coping mechanisms from our earliest experiences (that we remember in felt convictions, actions and body but not in thoughts) that the modern science of neuroplasticity tells us can change (each person’s change potential is specific their unique situation). Recognizing and understanding these patterns can start us on the path to changing them. By becoming aware of and curious about the roots of our behaviors, we can learn what we really need and work to rewrite our story to one where we handle stress in healthier, more productive ways. This journey is about more than revisiting the past; it's about shaping a future where we're better equipped to face life's challenges.

To Recap:

• The unconscious is not what you think it is and it's not as mysterious as you think. Dr. Mark Solms says the unconscious is where we store our past attempts to tackle challenges, like a memory bank of our problem-solving efforts when we were stuck or in need.

• Our first reactions to stress, like seeking help, fighting, fleeing, or freezing, start early in life, like a baby's reflex to shut down when distressed. This shapes how we handle stress and view ourselves as adults.

• Realizing these coping methods are learned, not built-in, allows us to find healthier ways to manage stress, helping us change our life stories for the better.