The Seduction of Thinking: When We Mistake Analysis for Feeling

In therapy, I often ask clients, “Can you describe what you’re feeling—what it actually feels like?” I’m inviting them into their embodied experience: the tightness in the chest, the flutter in the stomach, the heat behind the eyes. But more often than not, what I hear back is, “It feels like it means…”

This response is familiar—and telling.

Our culture rewards insight, action, and interpretation. We’re praised for what we make of a moment, not for the quiet work of sensing and staying. Slowing down to feel is not something we’re taught, and if we’ve experienced trauma, it may not even feel safe. Trauma trains the body to cope, not feel. And in the absence of safety, thinking becomes a powerful—if unintentional—way to avoid feeling altogether. It can even become part of our identity, “a thinking person not a feeling person”.

But this avoidance comes at a cost.

When we think in place of feeling, we lose access to vital information that arises from within. Our nervous system isn’t waiting on us to invent meaning—it already knows. But its language is slow, subtle, and bodily. It needs space, and sometimes support, to speak—and for us to listen.

When we short-circuit this process with premature interpretation, we miss out on:

• Knowing when we don’t feel safe

• Recognizing when we do

• Clarifying what we want

• Sensing the emotional tone in a room (social intelligence)

• Accessing the deeper, creative problem-solving that emerges from felt awareness

These aren't just “soft skills.” They are central to how we live, love, and make decisions. And without them we run the risk of living blindly.

The work, then, is to notice when we're thinking instead of feeling—and gently return to the body. That’s where the real conversation begins.