Something you didn’t know about emotions

Emotions are like the thermostat in your home or the temp in your body. They have a set point and they have limits for how little or much they can be. When they move outside of those limits is when we feel them. When we feel them is when they begin to put a demand on us to do something to relieve the emotional tension. Since emotions tell us about the health of our body, environment and relationships these actions have something to do with helping us adapt for surviving and thriving in the moment. For example, when you feel sad you are tasked to acknowledge that you lost something important and to grieve through crying, slowing down and seeking comfort. In doing that you truly adapt to the loss and set yourself up for living beyond it well. So the ultimate goal of feelings is to make you adapt so that you don’t feel much. For more on this look at the work of Dr. Mark Solms, Dr. Jaak Panksepp and Dr. Antonio Damasio.

Shifting perspectives: understanding your mental health through a biological lens

Your perspective on emotional well-being significantly shapes your actual emotional health. For instance, labeling your condition as "I have depression" may lead you to view your emotional struggles through the lens of disease. This common but oversimplified understanding of mental health, including depression, can hinder effective coping and healing by suggesting that these issues arise in isolation, akin to catching a disease or inheriting it without context. This viewpoint may inadvertently foster feelings of helplessness by stripping the experience of depression of any meaning or reason.

However, a deeper appreciation of how our bodies and nervous systems interact with emotions, thoughts, and behaviors can profoundly alter our self-perception and emotional health. Consider the well-known nervous system responses: fight, flight, or freeze. These automatic reactions to perceived threats impact our physiology and psychology in complex ways, altering everything from blood flow and organ function to thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

Take the "freeze" response as an example. This reaction, characterized by a metabolic slowdown, is often accompanied by fear, helplessness, detachment, and a reduced capacity for action—symptoms that closely resemble depression. When the freeze response is interrupted and fails to resolve, it can manifest as depressive symptoms, which, though they may seem unrelated to any specific event, actually stem from an incomplete biological reaction to perceived danger. Recognizing these connections can illuminate the meaningful origins of our emotional experiences, offering new paths for understanding and addressing our mental health.

Rethinking Mental Health: Beyond Symptoms and Illness

Mental health is often framed within a medical model, where symptoms indicate an underlying "illness" to be treated. This approach, though logical for physical ailments, falls short in comprehensively addressing mental health, particularly when considering the impact of trauma.

Trauma, whether emotional or physical, can leave a lasting imprint on our nervous system. Unlike the straightforward treatment of a physical injury, emotional trauma involves complex reactions of fight, flight, or freeze that may become "stuck" in our bodies and memories. These reactions, along with associated feelings of helplessness and deep-seated beliefs about ourselves, become our automatic response to future stress, replaying old patterns of behavior that were once survival strategies.

Viewing these responses as mere symptoms misses the broader context. They are, instead, echoes of past experiences, not indicative of an organic disease but of a memory playing out its survival tactics. This perspective is particularly relevant for understanding conditions like developmental trauma, which stems from accumulated emotional wounds, and shock trauma, triggered by acute incidents.

While more complex mental health conditions like Bipolar Disorder and Schizophrenia present additional challenges, considering the role of memory and trauma may offer deeper insights into their nature, beyond genetic predispositions.

Shifting our view from a binary of "healthy" vs. "unhealthy" to one of adaptiveness allows us to see mental health as a narrative of coping and survival, tailored to the individual's context and time. This approach recognizes the uniqueness of each person's journey, emphasizing adaptiveness—not in terms of objective correctness but as a reflection of the individual's best efforts to cope within their specific circumstances.

From Conflict to Clarity: Uncovering and Transforming Insecure Beliefs with Mindful Awareness

It can be challenging to recognize the insecurities and self-doubts that surface during moments of conflict. These underlying beliefs often remain unnoticed, yet they trigger our body's fight, flight, or freeze response. Gaining awareness of these beliefs is akin to discovering who is behind the wheel, driving our reactions. This awareness opens up the possibility to move away from instinctual survival tactics, rooted in fight, flight or freeze that may not be truly adaptive, allowing us to make choices that are more mindful, socially constructive, and genuinely beneficial.

Our self-perceptions (which are contextual and automatic - not choice based, they just happen and are based in past experiences) are frequently mirrored in our views of others. For instance, thinking of oneself as "weak, small, and helpless" while perceiving others as "powerful, uncaring, and threatening" can lead to a heightened sense of vulnerability and activate those defensive survival responses.

However, reacting in this way often exacerbates the conflict rather than resolving it. The question then becomes, how can we pause, become aware, and realign ourselves? There are numerous techniques to help us become present. One approach I find particularly effective is called "Orienting," a concept from Somatic Experiencing. For a deeper understanding, I recommend watching the video below.

Counseling Reimagined: Fostering Connection and Healing

In today's counseling world, a transformative shift is reshaping our approach to mental health. Moving away from traditional, problem-centric methods, we're now embracing a more nurturing path that highlights and strengthens what's inherently right within individuals. This new direction challenges the outdated view of individuals as 'problems to be solved,' reminiscent of a broken vehicle in need of repair, and instead focuses on fostering personal growth and connection.

Our lives are a complex mosaic of relationships and emotions, each playing a crucial role in our mental health. Contrary to the notion of 'brokenness,' mental health challenges are our natural responses to life's stresses and perceived threats. They're rooted in our experiences and the protective strategies our minds deploy to navigate the world.

Take the example of someone struggling with anger, which strains their relationships and career. This anger often stems from deeper feelings of vulnerability and a subconscious search for security, which paradoxically leads to more instability and frustration. Traditional counseling methods, which typically focus on highlighting and correcting 'wrong' behaviors, may inadvertently deepen these feelings of vulnerability, pushing individuals into a defensive state.

In contrast, today's counseling embraces a compassionate, understanding approach that walks alongside individuals, acknowledging their feelings and experiences as rational responses to their life circumstances. This relational method emphasizes connection, shared vulnerabilities, and collaborative emotion management, fostering a deep sense of empathy and understanding. Ironically, when more traditional interventions and contemporary trauma therapy are introduced within this context of this empathetic relationship, counseling becomes more effective, promoting genuine and lasting transformation.

Thus, modern counseling is about more than just addressing problems; it's about understanding and supporting individuals within the rich tapestry of their lives and relationships, offering a path to healing characterized by compassion and effective support.

Recap:
- Counseling is evolving from focusing on problems to nurturing what's right within individuals, promoting personal growth and connection over fixing perceived 'brokenness.'
- Mental health challenges are seen as natural responses to life's stresses, rooted in our complex web of past relationships and emotions, moving away from the idea of individuals being 'broken.'
- Modern counseling prioritizes empathy, understanding, and collaboration, enhancing the effectiveness of both traditional and contemporary therapies when integrated by fostering a supportive, relational environment.