Beyond Fight or Flight: The Hidden Development Needs in Therapy
Have you ever thought about therapy as just a way to process trauma responses? You know, the classic fight, flight, or freeze reactions we often hear about? While that's certainly important, there's another crucial layer to therapeutic healing that doesn't get enough attention: our incomplete developmental journey.
Think of it this way: throughout our lives, we have natural impulses to grow, express, and develop. These aren't just about surviving threats – they're about becoming who we're meant to be. Sometimes, these impulses get interrupted or blocked, leaving us with unfinished business in our emotional growth.
What might these developmental needs look like? They could be surprisingly simple yet profound:
The instinct to reach out for comfort that was never fully met
A young child's natural desire to show off their achievements and hear "I see you!"
The teenager's vital need to push boundaries and form their own identity
The fundamental human desire to learn from and lean on those we look up to
Here's where it gets interesting: while addressing trauma responses (like helping a frozen fight-or-flight response complete itself) is often our first priority in therapy – and rightfully so – it's just the beginning. Think of it like clearing a blocked road. Once we've removed these obstacles, something remarkable often happens: those paused developmental needs start waking up.
You might suddenly find yourself experiencing feelings or desires that seem to come from a younger version of yourself. This isn't regression – it's your psyche's natural healing wisdom at work, giving you another chance to meet those essential developmental needs that were put on hold.
Understanding this dual nature of therapeutic work – addressing both trauma responses and developmental needs – can help us approach our healing journey with more patience and compassion. It reminds us that therapy isn't just about resolving past hurts; it's about supporting our continued growth and development, no matter our age.
So the next time you find yourself in therapy working through a fight, flight, or freeze response, remember: this might just be clearing the path for something equally important – the chance to continue growing in ways that were temporarily paused in your earlier life journey.
What developmental needs do you think might be waiting to be met in your life?