what is religious & spiritual trauma or abuse?

When discussing spiritual or religious trauma/abuse, it's important to consider a few key points:

Language: Traditionally, this topic was often framed solely as abuse. However, there's been a shift towards using the term 'trauma' instead of 'abuse' to center the experience of the victim rather than the perpetrator. Additionally, it's essential to recognize that discussions around religious and spiritual trauma encompass various beliefs and identities. Whether someone identifies as religious, spiritual, or both, these terms are often used interchangeably in literature.

Transparency: Many individuals who have experienced religious/spiritual trauma have been part of environments characterized by high levels of control, often at the expense of transparency. Charisma often replaces transparency in these situations. Therefore, when discussing this type of trauma, I try to maintain transparency, cite sources, and minimize personal opinions to empower survivors.

Research: In terms of research (published materials that I could find from scholarly search engines when I did the search in 2022, personal contact with people who have researched and worked in this area as well as one podcast), much of what's available is qualitative, relying on personal narratives to identify common themes and understandings. Additionally, I have come across one quantitative research that employs mathematical and statistical methods to uncover patterns. Regardless of the type of research, since I'm not speaking to cults and sexual abuse from clergy, most studies involve small and often homogeneous groups, highlighting the need for more comprehensive and diverse research in this area.

Despite the available research, there's still no universally agreed-upon definition across the literature. (Ward, 2011; Swindle, 2017; Keller & Clark-Miller, 2022) This lack of consensus underscores the complexity of the topic. Below are a few definitions found in the literature:

Ward (2011) 'Spiritual abuse is a misuse of power in a spiritual context whereby spiritual authority is distorted to the detriment of those under its leadership. It is a multifaceted and multilayered experience that includes acts of commission and omission, aimed at producing conformity. It is both process and event, influencing one’s inner and outer worlds and has the potential to affect the biological, psychological, social and spiritual domains of the individual.'

Johnston (2021) 'Abuse and neglect are both traumatic experiences that disrupt the stability, order, and peace of everyday life, which affects the perception and sense of self, the sense of the world, the sense of others, and the sense of god that was believed before the traumatic experience.'

The Rise And Fall Of Mars Hill Podcast 'Spiritual abuse is what you call it when …someone leverages issues of eternal significance for power including the power to crush descent. It’s because people are invested in their spirituality so deeply that they are susceptible to the manipulations of someone who knows how to traffic in the language and emotions of religion and religious experience.'

To put these definitions a little more clearly, I'll recap them here in shorter and different language:

• Ward (2011) sees spiritual abuse as a misuse of power in religious settings, messing up people's lives in a bunch of different ways, from their inner feelings to how they interact with the world.

• Johnston (2021) says abuse and neglect mess with your sense of self, your relationships, and even your beliefs about the big questions in life.

• And then there's The Rise and Fall of Mars Hill Podcast, which describes spiritual abuse as using religion to control and manipulate people.

Today I just wanted to lay a clear foundation for future discussions. While there's much more to explore regarding healing from these experiences, it's crucial to begin by defining our terms. By understanding the nuances of what we mean with words like spiritual and religious abuse and trauma, we can have a starting point from which to navigate these conversations with greater clarity and empathy.

References:

• Casper, M. (Host). The Rise and Fall of Mars Hill. Christianity Today. [Podcast Link]

• Johnston, C. (2021). The Predictive Relationship Of Religious Trauma and Spiritual Abuse on Meaning-Making, Trust, and Depression. Doctoral dissertation, Northcentral University School of Social and Behavioral Health, La Jolla, CA.

• Keller, K. & Clark-Miller, A. (2022). Treating Religious Trauma. [Facebook Live]

• Levine, P. A. (2015). Trauma and Memory: Brain and Body in a Search for the Living Past: A Practical Guide for Understanding and Working with Traumatic Memory. North Atlantic.

• Levine, P. A., & Maté, G. (2010). In an Unspoken Voice: How the Body Releases Trauma and Restores Goodness. North Atlantic Books.

• Swindle, Paula, J. (2017). A Twisting of the Sacred: The Lived Experience of Religious Abuse. ProQuest, LLC., Ann Arbor, MI.

• Ward, David, J. (2011). The Lived Experience of Spiritual Abuse. Routledge. [http:.dx.do i.org//10.10801136746-76.2010.336206]

What you need to know about defenses to make your life better

Making sure we know what’s in the Trojan Horse of our words

Words are more than just letters strung together; they're vessels of meaning. However, their effectiveness in communication relies on shared understanding. Consider the word "cool," which can mean temperature or admiration (“The water is cool - better turn the heater on.” vs. “The water is cool - I love the colors they put in.”), showcasing how meanings can shift subtly.

Similarly, psychological terms like "defense" have shifted beyond clinical contexts into everyday language, often losing their original nuances. "Defense," once describing an unconscious process to regulate unsolvable stress, now carries connotations of confrontation. We weaponize it to criticize someone by telling them they’re being defensive. Revisiting this term can unveil its profound significance in human functioning.

Two Fundamental Insights on Defenses:

1. Defenses Can Be Classified According To Developmental Stages. Many scholars, including famed psychoanalyst, Nancy McWilliams, have helped us understand that defenses evolve with age, mirroring our developmental stages. As our thinking and feeling abilities get more sophisticated so do our defenses. Usually this means our defenses are more pro-social and less isolating. However, when we encounter trauma when we’re young and we never get help for that we continue to use those younger defenses when facing similar stresses moving forward even as adults. For instance, consistent use of extreme withdrawal (an infantile defense) in adults can symbolize the need for trauma resolution. Of course given enough stress or limitations anybody may situationally regress to more primitive self protections.

2. Defenses Are Unconscious Self-Protection Processes: Defenses are automatic self-protective mechanisms, operating unconsciously to keep us safe. They shield us from recognizing and confronting uncomfortable emotions or threats that we feel helpless to solve. For instance, projection (another young defensive process) involves attributing our own feelings to others (e.g. “they’re mad, not me”), allowing us to avoid acknowledging and processing them ourselves. This process maintains a sense of security by dissociating us from alarming emotions. Without effort, we remain unaware of when, what, or how we're protecting ourselves. Through intentional work though, we can develop awareness of these aspects.

Embracing Defenses:

Defenses are not flaws; they're adaptive mechanisms ingrained in our survival. Rather than stigmatizing defensiveness, we should appreciate its role in safeguarding our well-being. Acknowledging past traumas and their influence on our defenses empowers us to cultivate awareness and choose adaptive responses. In kind, showing gentleness and curiosity towards others when they seem to be unaware goes a lot farther than accusation (accusation likely reveals we are feeling overwhelmed and engaging in a self protective process ourselves).

In essence, understanding the language of defenses fosters self-awareness and emotional growth, enabling us to navigate life's challenges with resilience and authenticity.

Understanding emotions: a deeper look

Emotions are complex and intriguing aspects of our human experience. They're not inherently good or bad; they simply are. Let’s explore what emotions really entail and how they influence us.

The Purpose of Emotions

Dr. Antonio Damasio, a renowned neuroscientist, suggests that emotions are essential for our survival. They provide feedback about the health and sustainability of our bodies, our relationships, and our environments. Emotions prompt us to act, helping us adapt to our current circumstances and ultimately, relieve emotional tension. For instance, sadness might encourage us to seek comfort through tears or hugs, while anger might provoke reactions like yelling or expressing frustration physically.

The Basics of Emotions

Emotions start as physical sensations in our body, akin to how our body regulates temperature. If emotional stimuli are too intense or too subtle, they cross a threshold, making us aware of our feelings. These sensations—like a twist in your stomach or a flutter in your heart—can evolve into conscious emotions if they're not overwhelming or suppressed due to fear.

Emotions and Trauma

Trauma can trap emotions in the physical body, leading to avoidance of bodily awareness. This avoidance is a defense mechanism against re-experiencing discomfort or pain.

Emotional Intelligence and Mindfulness

While emotions are crucial for survival and adaptation, not all emotional reactions are beneficial in a social context. Some can isolate us or cause trouble. Moreover, trauma can skew our perception of the present, making us relive past threats and perpetuate pain. This highlights the importance of being both attentive to and cautious with our emotions.

The Brain’s Pathways for Emotions

Our brains process emotions in two main ways: the slow road and the fast road. The slow road involves thought and reflection before action, allowing us time to assess whether our responses are appropriate. The fast road is instinctive and immediate, driven by primal urges. Both pathways are adaptive, depending on the situation.

Navigating Trauma and the Present

By spending time with ourselves, we can learn to distinguish between being present and operating automatically—a mode often influenced by past trauma. Mindfulness—recognizing how we feel, rather than simply experiencing emotions—empowers us to differentiate between past triggers and present realities.

Practicing mindfulness isn't an instant solution but a gradual process that builds the awareness necessary to make conscious choices. This awareness can lead to new behaviors and healthier automatic responses that are more aligned with our current needs.

In Conclusion

Emotions are not just reactions but signals that guide us through the complexities of life. By understanding and managing them, we can lead more fulfilling and adaptive lives.

Something you didn’t know about emotions

Emotions are like the thermostat in your home or the temp in your body. They have a set point and they have limits for how little or much they can be. When they move outside of those limits is when we feel them. When we feel them is when they begin to put a demand on us to do something to relieve the emotional tension. Since emotions tell us about the health of our body, environment and relationships these actions have something to do with helping us adapt for surviving and thriving in the moment. For example, when you feel sad you are tasked to acknowledge that you lost something important and to grieve through crying, slowing down and seeking comfort. In doing that you truly adapt to the loss and set yourself up for living beyond it well. So the ultimate goal of feelings is to make you adapt so that you don’t feel much. For more on this look at the work of Dr. Mark Solms, Dr. Jaak Panksepp and Dr. Antonio Damasio.

Shifting perspectives: understanding your mental health through a biological lens

Your perspective on emotional well-being significantly shapes your actual emotional health. For instance, labeling your condition as "I have depression" may lead you to view your emotional struggles through the lens of disease. This common but oversimplified understanding of mental health, including depression, can hinder effective coping and healing by suggesting that these issues arise in isolation, akin to catching a disease or inheriting it without context. This viewpoint may inadvertently foster feelings of helplessness by stripping the experience of depression of any meaning or reason.

However, a deeper appreciation of how our bodies and nervous systems interact with emotions, thoughts, and behaviors can profoundly alter our self-perception and emotional health. Consider the well-known nervous system responses: fight, flight, or freeze. These automatic reactions to perceived threats impact our physiology and psychology in complex ways, altering everything from blood flow and organ function to thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

Take the "freeze" response as an example. This reaction, characterized by a metabolic slowdown, is often accompanied by fear, helplessness, detachment, and a reduced capacity for action—symptoms that closely resemble depression. When the freeze response is interrupted and fails to resolve, it can manifest as depressive symptoms, which, though they may seem unrelated to any specific event, actually stem from an incomplete biological reaction to perceived danger. Recognizing these connections can illuminate the meaningful origins of our emotional experiences, offering new paths for understanding and addressing our mental health.

Rethinking Mental Health: Beyond Symptoms and Illness

Mental health is often framed within a medical model, where symptoms indicate an underlying "illness" to be treated. This approach, though logical for physical ailments, falls short in comprehensively addressing mental health, particularly when considering the impact of trauma.

Trauma, whether emotional or physical, can leave a lasting imprint on our nervous system. Unlike the straightforward treatment of a physical injury, emotional trauma involves complex reactions of fight, flight, or freeze that may become "stuck" in our bodies and memories. These reactions, along with associated feelings of helplessness and deep-seated beliefs about ourselves, become our automatic response to future stress, replaying old patterns of behavior that were once survival strategies.

Viewing these responses as mere symptoms misses the broader context. They are, instead, echoes of past experiences, not indicative of an organic disease but of a memory playing out its survival tactics. This perspective is particularly relevant for understanding conditions like developmental trauma, which stems from accumulated emotional wounds, and shock trauma, triggered by acute incidents.

While more complex mental health conditions like Bipolar Disorder and Schizophrenia present additional challenges, considering the role of memory and trauma may offer deeper insights into their nature, beyond genetic predispositions.

Shifting our view from a binary of "healthy" vs. "unhealthy" to one of adaptiveness allows us to see mental health as a narrative of coping and survival, tailored to the individual's context and time. This approach recognizes the uniqueness of each person's journey, emphasizing adaptiveness—not in terms of objective correctness but as a reflection of the individual's best efforts to cope within their specific circumstances.

From Conflict to Clarity: Uncovering and Transforming Insecure Beliefs with Mindful Awareness

It can be challenging to recognize the insecurities and self-doubts that surface during moments of conflict. These underlying beliefs often remain unnoticed, yet they trigger our body's fight, flight, or freeze response. Gaining awareness of these beliefs is akin to discovering who is behind the wheel, driving our reactions. This awareness opens up the possibility to move away from instinctual survival tactics, rooted in fight, flight or freeze that may not be truly adaptive, allowing us to make choices that are more mindful, socially constructive, and genuinely beneficial.

Our self-perceptions (which are contextual and automatic - not choice based, they just happen and are based in past experiences) are frequently mirrored in our views of others. For instance, thinking of oneself as "weak, small, and helpless" while perceiving others as "powerful, uncaring, and threatening" can lead to a heightened sense of vulnerability and activate those defensive survival responses.

However, reacting in this way often exacerbates the conflict rather than resolving it. The question then becomes, how can we pause, become aware, and realign ourselves? There are numerous techniques to help us become present. One approach I find particularly effective is called "Orienting," a concept from Somatic Experiencing. For a deeper understanding, I recommend watching the video below.

Counseling Reimagined: Fostering Connection and Healing

In today's counseling world, a transformative shift is reshaping our approach to mental health. Moving away from traditional, problem-centric methods, we're now embracing a more nurturing path that highlights and strengthens what's inherently right within individuals. This new direction challenges the outdated view of individuals as 'problems to be solved,' reminiscent of a broken vehicle in need of repair, and instead focuses on fostering personal growth and connection.

Our lives are a complex mosaic of relationships and emotions, each playing a crucial role in our mental health. Contrary to the notion of 'brokenness,' mental health challenges are our natural responses to life's stresses and perceived threats. They're rooted in our experiences and the protective strategies our minds deploy to navigate the world.

Take the example of someone struggling with anger, which strains their relationships and career. This anger often stems from deeper feelings of vulnerability and a subconscious search for security, which paradoxically leads to more instability and frustration. Traditional counseling methods, which typically focus on highlighting and correcting 'wrong' behaviors, may inadvertently deepen these feelings of vulnerability, pushing individuals into a defensive state.

In contrast, today's counseling embraces a compassionate, understanding approach that walks alongside individuals, acknowledging their feelings and experiences as rational responses to their life circumstances. This relational method emphasizes connection, shared vulnerabilities, and collaborative emotion management, fostering a deep sense of empathy and understanding. Ironically, when more traditional interventions and contemporary trauma therapy are introduced within this context of this empathetic relationship, counseling becomes more effective, promoting genuine and lasting transformation.

Thus, modern counseling is about more than just addressing problems; it's about understanding and supporting individuals within the rich tapestry of their lives and relationships, offering a path to healing characterized by compassion and effective support.

Recap:
- Counseling is evolving from focusing on problems to nurturing what's right within individuals, promoting personal growth and connection over fixing perceived 'brokenness.'
- Mental health challenges are seen as natural responses to life's stresses, rooted in our complex web of past relationships and emotions, moving away from the idea of individuals being 'broken.'
- Modern counseling prioritizes empathy, understanding, and collaboration, enhancing the effectiveness of both traditional and contemporary therapies when integrated by fostering a supportive, relational environment.

Unlocking the Unconscious: Understanding Our Hidden Coping Mechanisms

The unconscious might seem like a mysterious, complex part of our minds, but Dr. Mark Solms, a neuropsychologist and psychoanalyst, simplifies it for us. It's essentially the part of our brain that stores how we automatically coped with difficult situations in the past when we couldn’t do or cause what we really wanted. In that way, it is place in the brain where we hold memories of stress and the solutions we used that weren't actually solutions. Here's how it works:

When faced with a challenge, our first reaction is to seek help, showing signs of distress. If help doesn't come, we might try to fight the situation or run from it. And if those aren't options, we freeze, tapping into our deepest survival instinct.

For example, as infants, when left alone too early, we experience all kinds of distress in our body and cry for attention. If our needs aren't met, we eventually calm ourselves in a way that might seem like we're soothing ourselves, but it's actually a form of shutting down to cope with the stress (i.e. freeze). This process creates a mental template for what to expect in stress concerning our personal needs, what we believe about ourselves when we feel our needs and how to handle similar situations in the future. Only its a template that we don’t think we just feel. It’s automatic (i.e. unconscious).

As adults, then, when overwhelmed, we might find ourselves not asking for help, because deep down we think it won't come, that we’re unworthy so the best option is to freeze by trying to avoid the assumed reality of the situation altogether. We might distract ourselves (e.g. food, alcohol, sugar, sex, phones, TikTok, YouTube, shop, start a fight, exercise, get religious, etc.) or procrastinate, reducing our stress in the moment but affecting our productivity and relationships.

The key takeaway is that these responses aren't just “how you’re wired”; they're learned coping mechanisms from our earliest experiences (that we remember in felt convictions, actions and body but not in thoughts) that the modern science of neuroplasticity tells us can change (each person’s change potential is specific their unique situation). Recognizing and understanding these patterns can start us on the path to changing them. By becoming aware of and curious about the roots of our behaviors, we can learn what we really need and work to rewrite our story to one where we handle stress in healthier, more productive ways. This journey is about more than revisiting the past; it's about shaping a future where we're better equipped to face life's challenges.

To Recap:

• The unconscious is not what you think it is and it's not as mysterious as you think. Dr. Mark Solms says the unconscious is where we store our past attempts to tackle challenges, like a memory bank of our problem-solving efforts when we were stuck or in need.

• Our first reactions to stress, like seeking help, fighting, fleeing, or freezing, start early in life, like a baby's reflex to shut down when distressed. This shapes how we handle stress and view ourselves as adults.

• Realizing these coping methods are learned, not built-in, allows us to find healthier ways to manage stress, helping us change our life stories for the better.

Is Your Workplace Tangled in Co-Dependency?

Here are the bullets to this article:

• Co-dependency in Workplaces: Co-dependency occurs when individuals in a work environment become overly reliant on each other to avoid emotional discomfort, leading to unhealthy dynamics that can undermine team health, happiness, and company success.

• Manifestations of Co-dependency: This issue manifests through altered behaviors to escape emotional issues, seen in efforts to gain approval or handle disrespect at the cost of personal well-being. It's prevalent in environments where leaders struggle with emotional and social skills, pushing a culture of problem avoidance over authenticity.

• Impact on Workplace Health: Co-dependency creates a toxic environment characterized by resentment, exhaustion, and blurred boundaries. While initially seeming beneficial due to financial or job security, it damages personal integrity and overall company morale, emphasizing the need for a shift towards a healthier, more vibrant work culture.

• The Importance of Addressing Co-dependency: Tackling co-dependency is essential for fostering a successful, innovative company culture that values healthy relationships and mutual respect. Ignoring these issues risks exacerbating problems like reduced diversity, equity, inclusion, and belonging (DEIB), hindering creativity and innovation, and ultimately costing the company more in the long term.

Understanding Co-Dependency at Work

Have you noticed how some work environments make people overly dependent on each other in unhealthy ways? This is called co-dependency. It happens when someone avoids facing their emotional troubles by leaning too much on others, who do the same in return. This kind of situation can quietly affect the health and happiness of your team and the success of your business.

What Does Co-Dependency Look Like?

Co-dependency comes about when people change how they act to avoid emotional discomfort, depending on others who are also looking to escape their issues. This can show up in many types of relationships, but it’s especially common at work. For example, an employee might work too hard to get approval from a boss, or take on disrespectful comments from the boss in order to protect other employees, all at the cost of ignoring their own needs. This often happens in places where the leaders might not be great at handling their emotions or social situations, and so unconsciously lead everyone to focus more on avoiding problems than being genuine. The result? The team’s spirit and the company's ethics can take a hit.

Why It Matters

This one-way support system can cause feelings of resentment, exhaustion, and weak boundaries, making the workplace feel toxic. While it might seem worth it at first because of the pay or job security, the long-term impact on people’s self-respect and the company’s morale is damaging. Dealing with co-dependency is about more than fixing relationships; it’s key to creating a healthy, lively, and lasting work culture. Encouraging honest talks, setting clear rules, and making sure you are treated respectfully and that work demands don’t take over your life are important steps to overcome these issues.

Taking Action

Recognizing and dealing with co-dependency at work is crucial. A successful and innovative company needs more than just smart ideas; it needs healthy relationships and respect among everyone. Ignoring these problems might seem easier, but it can lead to bigger issues like a lack of diversity (DEIB), fairness, and new ideas (which are shown to be bolstered by an increase in DEIB), which can end up costing a lot more in the end. By addressing co-dependency, we can build a workplace that’s not only more ethical and inclusive but also more successful in the long run.