Finding Peace Through 'Attention Out': A Simple First Step to Feeling Better
When you're feeling overwhelmed or stressed, your first instinct might be to dive deep into your thoughts and feelings. While this is completely natural, there's actually a gentler way to begin your healing journey. It's called "attention out," and it's simpler than you might think.
In another post we talk about attention In. In this post we’ll talk about attention out.
When you're feeling overwhelmed or stressed, your first instinct might be to dive deep into your thoughts and feelings. While this is completely natural, there's actually a gentler way to begin your healing journey. It's called "attention out," and it's simpler than you might think.
What is "Attention Out"?
Think of your attention like a flashlight. You can shine it inward (on your thoughts, feelings, and body sensations) or outward (on the world around you). Both are important, but learning to focus outward first can help you feel more grounded and safe.
Why Start with Looking Outward?
When you first come to counseling, you might want to jump right in and talk about everything that's troubling you. That's completely normal! But starting with "attention out" first is like giving your mind a gentle reset button. It helps your body recognize that right now, in this moment, you're safe.
How to Practice "Attention Out": A Simple Exercise
Here's a simple practice called "orienting" that you can try right now. Orienting is a part of a larger instinct for safety called, the threat response cycle.
Find a comfortable spot to sit
Let your eyes wander naturally around your surroundings
Notice what catches your attention - maybe it's a color, a shape, or an object
Don't worry about why something catches your eye - just let your gaze move freely
Try to set aside your thoughts for a moment and just focus on what you see
What You Might Experience
When you practice this, you might notice some natural changes:
Your breathing might become deeper
Colors might seem brighter
Your body might feel more relaxed
You might feel more present in the moment
These are all signs that your body is finding its natural balance.
Why This Works
Your body has a natural ability to heal and find balance. Sometimes it just needs a little help remembering how. "Attention out" is like giving your nervous system a gentle reminder that it can relax and reset (Levine, 1997; 2010).
Remember: This might feel strange at first, and that's okay! Like any new skill, it takes practice. The key is to be patient with yourself as you learn this new way of finding calm.
Beyond Talk Therapy: Discovering Somatic Experiencing
There's a special way to help with feelings that are hard to access or even know about. It's called Somatic Experiencing.
Why We Think and Talk
We think and talk for lots of reasons. One of those reasons is to feel better. Let's explore this more.
How Thinking and Talking Help Us
When we feel something strong inside, we want to let it out. This brings us relief and contributes to our life. Here are some examples:
- When we're sad, talking to someone helps us feel less sad and understand ourselves better
- When we're angry, we might want to rant to someone about what's bothering us, think about how to solve what’s bothering us and maybe even fantasize about what we could have done differently, all in an attempt to feel less angry.
- When we do something good, we want to share it with others, this helps us feel more whole and happy.
- When we’re intrigued about something we think about what’s grabbed our attention in order to enjoy the exploration and hopefully to eventually feel the relief of understanding
Our feelings are like messages from our body. They tell us what is going on and what we need to feel better and live happier lives.
Why Some Feelings Are Hard to Notice or Talk About
Sometimes when we share our feelings, things don't go well. Maybe someone didn't listen, or we got hurt. When this happens, we might start automatically hiding these feelings, even from ourselves and even before we know we’re having them. This can make us feel worse over time. They can even cause us to misunderstand the present, to confuse our current situation with the past and react poorly because of that. With feelings that are stuck, out of our awareness and causing us problems talking and thinking alone are about the slowest ways there are to feel better. And often then only keep us stuck.
A Different Way to Feel Better
There's a special way to help with feelings that are hard to access or even know about. It's called Somatic Experiencing. Instead of just talking, we:
- Pay attention to your body and the sensations inside
- Allow some of the movements from spontaneous impulses in the body
- Learn how to navigate activation and de-activation in the body which helps you deal with stuck, pent up feelings little by little instead of in an overwhelming way.
- Empowers you
- Plus much more
Someone trained in Somatic Experiencing helps you do this safely. They teach you how to listen to your body and understand what it's telling you. While you still talk about your feelings, you also learn to feel them in a way that's comfortable and safe. This brings things that are unconscious to the light of day and lets them out so you feel better and live easier.
All of which helps you find answers that come from deep inside yourself, making you feel more sure about what you need.