Navigating Conflict Beyond Trigger Warnings
Conflict is challenging. It becomes even more difficult when a trauma response is triggered. Imagine treating a minor issue like a major crisis—a "five-dollar problem" escalating to a "five-hundred-dollar problem." This often happens unconsciously, making it feel like a rational reaction. So, how can we address a problem that we can't directly perceive? Here are three steps to help navigate this issue:
Awareness
Trauma responses encompass physical, mental, emotional, and visceral layers. Although these responses are typically unconscious, we can bring them into our awareness. Increasing awareness reduces dissociation, allowing us to detect our feelings, thoughts, actions, and sensations when triggered. To practice this, think about a situation where past pain caused you to overreact in the present. Stay grounded in the present while asking yourself:
What do I think when I'm triggered?
What do I feel emotionally when I'm triggered?
What do I do (both verbally and physically) when I'm triggered?
What do I sense viscerally when I'm triggered?
Slow Down
Slowing down involves observing without acting. Notice your answers to the above questions, but resist the urge to act on them. This practice, known as mindfulness, creates a gap between your reaction and your actions. To activate your parasympathetic nervous system (the calming "brake pedal"), try the following techniques:
Take a physiological sigh (two breaths in, one breath out)
Drink some water
Spend time in nature or with a beloved pet
Practice orienting (check out our video on this technique)
Reflective listening (repeat back what the other person said until they confirm you understood correctly)
Reflect
Reflection involves thinking about your thoughts, feelings, sensations, and desires. Assess whether your desires align with the situation and your values. Often, you'll need to find a compromise between your immediate impulses and your core values to achieve a beneficial outcome.
Decide and Act
Once you've reflected, consciously decide on the best course of action. Now, you're ready to address the situation appropriately, treating a five-dollar problem like a five-dollar problem.
By following these steps, you can navigate conflicts more effectively, reducing the impact of unconscious trauma responses and fostering healthier interactions.