Why You Keep Reacting Like That: How Memory and Emotion Get Stuck—and How to Heal
Have you ever found yourself overreacting to something small, only to realize later that it reminded you of something bigger, something painful? You're not alone. There’s a reason for this—one that neuroscience and somatic therapy help us understand deeply.
Your Brain is a Prediction Machine
Your brain is always trying to help you survive. One of the ways it does this is by using the past to predict the future. This is efficient: instead of evaluating every situation from scratch, your brain compares new experiences to old ones to figure out what to do next. This is the core of how memory works.
As neuropsychologist Mark Solms explains, the brain is organized around affective (emotional) needs, and it constantly builds mental maps to keep us safe and satisfied. In this way, memory becomes a survival tool. [Solms, The Hidden Spring, 2021]
The Problem with Trauma
But here's the issue. Not all memories are accurate or helpful. When you go through a trauma—defined not by what happened, but by your nervous system’s inability to return to balance afterward—your brain records not just the event, but the emergency coping strategies you used in the moment.
Instead of remembering a completed emotional response (like a full cry or a protective act), your nervous system may remember a stuck state—fight, flight, or freeze energy that never got to finish. According to Peter Levine, this is the hallmark of trauma: incomplete survival responses held in the body. [Levine, Waking the Tiger, 1997]
So when something in the present even vaguely resembles that traumatic past, your brain says, “I’ve seen this before—danger!” and launches the same coping pattern, even if it’s not actually needed.
How Emotion Shapes Memory
Jaak Panksepp, a pioneer in affective neuroscience, identified core emotional systems in the brain that are shared across mammals, such as FEAR, SEEKING, RAGE, and CARE. These are deeply embodied—not just ideas in your head, but powerful forces in your nervous system. [Panksepp, The Archaeology of Mind, 2012]
When trauma distorts how these emotional systems operate, it can cause you to misinterpret present situations through the lens of old pain. You might withdraw in fear during a conflict, lash out in frustration, or numb out altogether—not because of what's happening now, but because of what your body remembers.
So How Do You Change This?
Healing involves interrupting that old survival loop. Here’s how to start:
Notice what happens in your body, emotions, impulses, and thoughts when you’re triggered. This builds awareness.
Support your nervous system with tools that create safety—slowing your breath, grounding yourself, using soothing touch or movement.
Work with your body to help it finish incomplete survival responses—shaking, crying, pushing, or other instinctive actions.
Let the emotions express. When you feel safe enough, those stuck feelings can finally move and release.
Reflect gently. Ask what meaning you attached to the event—were you unsafe, unloved, powerless? Are those meanings still true today?
Revisit the present moment and see it with fresh eyes. Is this current situation truly dangerous, or is it echoing something old?
This process doesn’t usually happen all at once. It’s slow, layered, and best done in the safety of a therapy relationship. Somatic Experiencing, developed by Peter Levine, is specifically designed to help you do this in a regulated, embodied way. With the presence of a therapist, your nervous system can borrow calm from theirs—a process known as co-regulation.
Sources:
Levine, P. A. (1997). Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma.
Panksepp, J., & Biven, L. (2012). The Archaeology of Mind: Neuroevolutionary Origins of Human Emotions.
Solms, M. (2021). The Hidden Spring: A Journey to the Source of Consciousness.