Understanding Inner Attention: A Path to Emotional Awareness

In a previous post we talked about attention out. In this post we’ll talk about attention in.

Have you ever noticed how you're constantly aware of your inner experiences - feeling anxious before a presentation, or bored during a long meeting? This natural awareness is what we call "attention inward." While we all do this automatically throughout our day, there's a deeper, more intentional way of turning our attention inward that's used in therapeutic approaches like Somatic Experiencing. This specialized practice can reveal insights about ourselves that usually remain hidden.

How Emotions Guide Us

Dr. Mark Solms's research helps us understand that emotions aren't just feelings - they're sophisticated guidance systems that help us survive and thrive. Think of emotions as messengers carrying important information. When we feel sad, for instance, that sadness is telling us we've lost something meaningful. More importantly, it's guiding us toward natural ways to heal: crying, seeking comfort from loved ones, or taking time for self-care.

But what happens when we can't follow these natural emotional pathways? Maybe we grew up learning that "big kids don't cry" or that showing vulnerability is weakness. When this happens, we develop coping mechanisms - like pushing the feeling away, distracting ourselves, or rationalizing why we shouldn't feel that way. Over time, these coping strategies become so automatic that we mistake them for our natural responses. It's like creating a detour around a blocked road and eventually forgetting the original route altogether.

A Different Way of Paying Attention

This is where intentional inner attention becomes valuable. By carefully observing our internal experience, we can reconnect with our authentic emotional responses that have been masked by years of coping strategies. Somatic Experiencing offers a helpful framework for this kind of attention through the SIBAM model:

• Sensations: Physical feelings in your body (butterflies in your stomach, chest tightness, warmth, tingling)

• Images: Mental pictures or memories that arise

• Behaviors: Natural impulses to move or react

• Affect: Conscious emotional experiences

• Meaning: Our thoughts and interpretations

In our thinking-focused culture, we often jump straight to meaning-making - trying to analyze and understand before we've fully experienced our emotions. However, if we can learn to pause and first notice our bodily sensations, images, and impulses, we often discover clearer and more authentic information about our emotional needs.

This patient, body-first approach helps us bypass our habitual coping mechanisms and reconnect with our natural emotional wisdom. By learning to pay attention in this way, we can begin to untangle the difference between our authentic responses and our learned coping strategies.

Understanding Your Body's Alert System: A Guide to Feeling Safer in Everyday Life

Ever notice how your body reacts when you open a stressful email or get into an argument? That racing heart, those tense shoulders - these aren't random reactions. They're part of your body's natural alert system called the threat response cycle, and understanding this system can change your life in wonderful ways.

Your Built-In Safety System

Think of your body as having a special safety alarm, an instinct for safety. Just like our ancestors needed this alarm to stay safe from wild animals, we use it today in our modern world. This system kicks in when:

• Reading a difficult email

• Sitting through a tense meeting

• Having a disagreement with someone you love

• Walking into a crowded restaurant

• Even chatting with a friend when a sensitive topic comes up

The Threat Response Cycle

Why Understanding This Matters

When you know how your alert system works, you gain a superpower: the ability to pause and check if you really need to be on high alert. Sometimes your alarm might go off when you're actually safe, like feeling panicked about giving a presentation to friendly colleagues. Other times, you might not notice real warning signs when you should, like staying in an unhealthy situation for too long.

Taking Back Control

The good news? Once you recognize when your alert system is active, you can:

1. Take a moment to pause

2. Look around and check if there's a real reason for concern

3. Choose how to respond rather than just react

4. Return to feeling calm and present when you realize you're safe

This awareness helps you move through your day with more peace and confidence. Instead of being controlled by automatic reactions, you can choose how to respond to life's challenges.

Remember: Your alert system isn't your enemy - it's trying to protect you! Learning to work with it, rather than against it, can help you feel more in control and at peace in your daily life.

Want to learn more about working with your body's alert system? We're here to help you develop these important skills.

Finding Peace Through 'Attention Out': A Simple First Step to Feeling Better

In another post we talk about attention In. In this post we’ll talk about attention out.

When you're feeling overwhelmed or stressed, your first instinct might be to dive deep into your thoughts and feelings. While this is completely natural, there's actually a gentler way to begin your healing journey. It's called "attention out," and it's simpler than you might think.

What is "Attention Out"?

Think of your attention like a flashlight. You can shine it inward (on your thoughts, feelings, and body sensations) or outward (on the world around you). Both are important, but learning to focus outward first can help you feel more grounded and safe.

Why Start with Looking Outward?

When you first come to counseling, you might want to jump right in and talk about everything that's troubling you. That's completely normal! But starting with "attention out" first is like giving your mind a gentle reset button. It helps your body recognize that right now, in this moment, you're safe.

How to Practice "Attention Out": A Simple Exercise

Here's a simple practice called "orienting" that you can try right now. Orienting is a part of a larger instinct for safety called, the threat response cycle.

1. Find a comfortable spot to sit

2. Let your eyes wander naturally around your surroundings

3. Notice what catches your attention - maybe it's a color, a shape, or an object

4. Don't worry about why something catches your eye - just let your gaze move freely

5. Try to set aside your thoughts for a moment and just focus on what you see

What You Might Experience

When you practice this, you might notice some natural changes:

• Your breathing might become deeper

• Colors might seem brighter

• Your body might feel more relaxed

• You might feel more present in the moment

These are all signs that your body is finding its natural balance.

Why This Works

Your body has a natural ability to heal and find balance. Sometimes it just needs a little help remembering how. "Attention out" is like giving your nervous system a gentle reminder that it can relax and reset (Levine, 1997; 2010).

Remember: This might feel strange at first, and that's okay! Like any new skill, it takes practice. The key is to be patient with yourself as you learn this new way of finding calm.

Would you like to learn more about how counseling can help you find balance? We're here to guide you through this journey, one gentle step at a time.

Beyond Talk Therapy: Discovering Somatic Experiencing

Why We Think and Talk

We think and talk for lots of reasons. One of those reasons is to feel better. Let's explore this more.

How Thinking and Talking Help Us

When we feel something strong inside, we want to let it out. This brings us relief and contributes to our life. Here are some examples:

- When we're sad, talking to someone helps us feel less sad and understand ourselves better

- When we're angry, we might want to rant to someone about what's bothering us, think about how to solve what’s bothering us and maybe even fantasize about what we could have done differently, all in an attempt to feel less angry.

- When we do something good, we want to share it with others, this helps us feel more whole and happy.

- When we’re intrigued about something we think about what’s grabbed our attention in order to enjoy the exploration and hopefully to eventually feel the relief of understanding

Our feelings are like messages from our body. They tell us what is going on and what we need to feel better and live happier lives.

Why Some Feelings Are Hard to Notice or Talk About

Sometimes when we share our feelings, things don't go well. Maybe someone didn't listen, or we got hurt. When this happens, we might start automatically hiding these feelings, even from ourselves and even before we know we’re having them. This can make us feel worse over time. They can even cause us to misunderstand the present, to confuse our current situation with the past and react poorly because of that. With feelings that are stuck, out of our awareness and causing us problems talking and thinking alone are about the slowest ways there are to feel better. And often then only keep us stuck.

A Different Way to Feel Better

There's a special way to help with feelings that are hard to access or even know about. It's called Somatic Experiencing. Instead of just talking, we:

- Pay attention to your body and the sensations inside

- Allow some of the movements from spontaneous impulses in the body

- Learn how to navigate activation and de-activation in the body which helps you deal with stuck, pent up feelings little by little instead of in an overwhelming way.

- Empowers you

- Plus much more

Someone trained in Somatic Experiencing helps you do this safely. They teach you how to listen to your body and understand what it's telling you. While you still talk about your feelings, you also learn to feel them in a way that's comfortable and safe. This brings things that are unconscious to the light of day and lets them out so you feel better and live easier.

All of which helps you find answers that come from deep inside yourself, making you feel more sure about what you need.

Stages of attachment

The following is a summary of the “Stages of Attachment Cheatsheet” from the Attachment Project. I liked their PDF and thought the info would be helpful. A link to the original PDF is at the bottom.

Understanding the Stages of Attachment*

Attachment plays a crucial role in human development, influencing how we form relationships throughout our lives. In counseling, understanding these stages can be beneficial in helping clients explore their relational patterns. Here’s a brief overview of the stages of attachment:

1. Pre-Attachment Stage (0-2 months): During this stage, infants are biologically predisposed to form attachments. They begin to recognize their caregivers, but there is no strong attachment bond yet.

2. Attachment in the Making (2-6 months): Infants start responding differently to familiar caregivers compared to strangers. Although the bond is still developing, they are more likely to smile or coo at their primary caregivers.

3. Clear-Cut Attachment (6 months-2 years): This is the critical phase where strong attachment bonds form. Babies often exhibit separation anxiety when away from their primary caregivers and are noticeably distressed when separated.

4. Formation of Reciprocal Relationships (2 years and beyond): As children grow, their language and cognitive skills improve, allowing them to understand why caregivers may come and go. This marks the development of a more reciprocal relationship with caregivers, and the child begins to balance attachment needs with independence.

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Understanding these stages can provide insight into adult attachment styles, which are often formed based on early experiences. If clients struggle with relationships, revisiting these foundational stages can help illuminate underlying patterns and promote healing.

Below are the key references to support the summary of the stages of attachment based on psychological theory:

1. John Bowlby's Attachment Theory: Bowlby, a British psychologist, is the pioneer of attachment theory. His work describes the critical role of early bonds between infants and their caregivers in shaping future relational patterns and emotional development​(stages-of-attachment-ch…).

2. Ainsworth's "Strange Situation" Study: Mary Ainsworth expanded on Bowlby’s work by identifying distinct attachment styles through her "Strange Situation" study, which provided empirical evidence for the stages of attachment and the importance of caregiver responsiveness during infancy​(stages-of-attachment-ch…).

3. Developmental Psychology: Attachment theory is widely discussed in developmental psychology, emphasizing how early attachment experiences influence later relationships. These ideas are elaborated in many academic texts on child development​(stages-of-attachment-ch…).

If you're looking for a deeper dive into these stages or have specific client needs in mind, consider discussing attachment theory in therapy sessions. It's a foundational concept that can offer valuable insights into personal relationships and emotional health.

*Summarized from the Attachment Project’s “Stages of Attachment Cheatsheet”

Key Take Aways from the APA's new policy on AI

The American Psychological Association recently approved (nearly unanimously) a policy to "recognize the critical role of psychological science and knowledge in guiding the many forms, applications and analyses of AI"

So in light of that I asked ChatGPT to summarize the policies into these takeaways.

1. Psychology’s Role in AI Development: Psychological insights are essential in designing AI systems that understand human behavior, emotions, and cognition, making these systems more ethical, user-friendly, and effective.

2. AI’s Impact on Society: AI is rapidly influencing various sectors, including healthcare, education, and criminal justice. Psychology can help ensure these technologies are beneficial and minimize harmful consequences, such as bias or misinformation.

3. Enhancing Mental Health Care: AI has the potential to improve mental health care by increasing access to services, promoting early intervention, and reducing health disparities. Psychology can guide the development of AI tools that support well-being.

4. Ethics and Privacy Concerns: With AI’s growing presence, ethical and privacy issues are at the forefront. Psychologists must continue to lead efforts in ensuring AI systems uphold human rights and ethical standards.

5. Education and Public Understanding: Psychology can play a vital role in educating the public about AI, promoting media literacy, and helping people understand and navigate AI technologies responsibly.

These takeaways highlight the importance of integrating psychological expertise into AI development to create systems that benefit society while addressing ethical concerns.

immigration and mental health

The following summary comes from the American Psychological Association’s latest findings from their task force on immigration and health:

Understanding Immigrant Health: Key Insights for Mental Health Professionals

The landscape of U.S. immigration has evolved, bringing new challenges and opportunities in understanding immigrant health. Research in fields like decolonial and liberation psychology, intersectionality, and trauma-informed care sheds light on the health experiences of immigrants. Here are some key takeaways:

1. Vulnerability vs. Resilience: Immigrants face numerous health risks due to global sociopolitical factors, challenging migration journeys, and difficult receptions in new countries. However, they are not inherently prone to poor health. Many have developed resilience strategies that can inform healthcare practices in the U.S.

2. Resilience as a Strength: Immigrants’ resilience-building strategies have allowed them to survive hardships. Researchers are beginning to learn from these strategies to improve health outcomes for immigrant communities. This area of science is growing, especially in psychology fields focused on Black, Latinx, Indigenous, Asian, Arab, and Middle Eastern communities.

3. Impact of Anti-Immigrant Policies: Restrictive immigration policies have negative effects not only on immigrants but also on U.S. citizens. These policies can cause psychological and social harm, affecting communities of color and leading to detrimental outcomes for law enforcement and public health.

4. Supportive Programs Promote Well-Being: Programs that help immigrants navigate the cultural and political landscape in the U.S. can improve their health and well-being. Educational and community-based strategies, especially when developed in collaboration with immigrant communities, have proven effective in supporting immigrants’ economic and social contributions.

5. Importance of Training and Advocacy: Mental health professionals and trainees frequently interact with immigrant communities. Therefore, training programs must prepare professionals to address the unique health needs of immigrants through research, practice, and policy. Additionally, increasing the admission and support of immigrant students in these programs will enrich the field.

6. Immigration as a Unifying Force: Contrary to popular belief, immigration is more unifying than divisive. Most Americans support humane immigration policies that provide pathways to citizenship and view immigrants as a strength to the country.

These conclusions highlight the importance of culturally informed and compassionate care for immigrant communities, emphasizing the need for ongoing research, advocacy, and education in the field of psychology. By recognizing the strengths of immigrant communities, mental health professionals can play a key role in promoting health equity and well-being.

A great article in the nyt on somatic experiencing!

Illustration by Daniel Barreto

New York Times Article on Somatic Experiencing Link

The article explores the concept of somatic therapy, which focuses on healing emotional wounds through the body. The author describes their personal experience with a therapist who uses somatic techniques to address their anxiety and fear of failure. The article delves into the principles of somatic experiencing (S.E.), a type of therapy that emphasizes the body's role in emotional processing. The author discusses the benefits of S.E., such as reducing anxiety, improving emotional regulation, and promoting overall well-being. The article also highlights the growing popularity of somatic therapy and the increasing demand for practitioners.

Curious? Book a Somatic Experiencing session with Aaron today.

The Hidden Nature of Attachment Beliefs and Their Impact on Professional Success

Attachment beliefs are like invisible forces shaping our behaviors, often without us realizing it. These beliefs were formed before the left side of our brain—the part responsible for logic and conscious thought—was fully developed. Instead, they’re rooted in the right side of the brain, where feelings dominate and conscious reasoning takes a backseat.

This makes attachment beliefs tricky to recognize and even harder to change. When we think about our attachment behaviors, it’s easy to focus on situations where we’re consciously aware of our choices and actions. However, to truly understand and work with attachment, we need to shift our focus to those moments when we don’t notice anything wrong at all.

Imagine being in a conflict where you’re utterly convinced of your perspective, yet others around you question your behavior. Their doubts might leave you feeling confused or even defensive because, in your mind, everything makes perfect sense. This disconnect happens because attachment beliefs operate on an unconscious level. They’re so deeply ingrained that they influence our actions and reactions without us being aware of it.

In a professional setting, these unconscious patterns can significantly impact team dynamics, communication, and overall company success. If left unchecked, attachment beliefs can lead to misunderstandings, hinder collaboration, and create an environment where employees may feel disconnected or undervalued.

Understanding this is key for leaders and team members alike. By becoming more aware of these unconscious patterns, we can start to see where our beliefs might be holding us back or causing misunderstandings in the workplace. This awareness is the first step in making changes that lead to healthier, more authentic connections with others.

For a company to thrive, it’s essential that team members feel seen, heard, and understood. By learning to recognize and address attachment beliefs, leaders can foster a more inclusive and supportive environment. This not only improves interpersonal relationships but also enhances productivity, creativity, and overall job satisfaction.

In the end, working with attachment beliefs isn’t about fixing what’s broken but about shining a light on what’s hidden. It’s about being open to the possibility that there’s more going on beneath the surface than we realize—and that by exploring these depths, we can unlock greater potential for both personal growth and professional success.

How the brain and therapy work together

The Brain's Job: Keeping You Alive Through Predictions

Our brains are essentially prediction machines with one primary job: keeping us alive. To do this, they rely on past experiences to predict future events. This is all based on what we've encoded in our memory.

When we encounter danger in the past but only manage to cope with it instead of solving it, those coping mechanisms get stored in our memory. Then, when we face something similar in the future, our brain automatically uses those past coping strategies. It's like if you taste a delicious cake and later encounter ingredients like eggs, flour, and butter. Your brain might label the new dish as cake, even if it isn’t.

This automatic process helps the brain save energy. It's unconscious and hard to recognize, let alone slow down to evaluate whether the past is truly repeating itself.

The Hose and the Snake

Imagine seeing a hose coiled up on the floor and for a moment thinking it's a snake. Your brain uses the shape of the hose to make a quick judgment to protect you. After a second, you realize it’s just a hose, and you can go about your gardening.

In relationships, these automatic assumptions are harder to recognize. We often mistake our gut feelings for objective truth. For example, if you grew up with parents who couldn’t handle big emotions like sadness, anger, or fear, you might have learned to suppress these feelings to cope. This coping strategy gets encoded in your brain.

Coping vs. Solving

As an adult, when you feel sad, scared, or angry in a romantic relationship, you might automatically suppress these emotions. You might feel anxious, irritable, or distracted but not recognize the underlying sadness, fear, or anger. This can lead you to stay in unhealthy relationships because your emotions, which are meant to guide you, are being ignored.

The Role of Therapy

Describing this unconscious process is challenging because it's designed to be unnoticed. This is where therapy comes in. Good psychotherapy helps you recognize the core issues behind your behaviors, like difficulty focusing, irritability, numbness, or getting overly upset. Therapy guides you in creating new, healthier responses that truly solve your problems rather than just coping with them.

By working through these issues in therapy, you can update your brain's prediction models with new data that reflects actual solutions, allowing you to live a more fulfilling life.